Locked up Abroad

 

This indeed was a crazy day at work here in the Philippines and I bet that there will be more to come in the future.  The difference between this blog post and future blog posts on this topic will be one element. . .desensitization-in other words exposing oneself to a stimulus that provokes discomfort and/or is unfamiliar to one’s frame of reference and not having the same initial response to it.  Though desensitization will not cloud or jade my zeal for this work, it will help with my sense of hyper vigilance and hypersensitivity to things in this country and not appear like a crazy foreigner out of place. So here it goes. 

My Monday morning started out like any other Monday morning in the office, I checked emails, did a little facebook/twitter/instagram surfing and texted my sister.  I then began to search for an activity for the girls to do later on in the day.  Later in the morning I was informed that one of the residents Willow was taken to the Psychiatric hospital Sunday afternoon because of her repeated threats to kill herself.  Prior to this incident she had been in conflict with another girl Sunni at the center.  (Not to mention the overall behavior of the girls has been abnormal with many fights, broken glass and houseparent’s in tears).  I was told briefly by one of the girls that the initial cause for the disagreement between Willow and Sunni was over baby powder, yes baby powder.  From there they began to argue more frequently during the day leading to Sunni climbing the water reservoir tank and Willow trying to kill her. (There was never any real indication that Willow was forcefully intending to hurt Sunni).   For a few days Willow was ordered to stay and sleep in the “guard house” where two guards occupy the space on different shifts (Hmm a 15 year old staying at the guard house so that the other residents don’t have to deal with her. That’s another story especially where there are empty rooms in the residential facility adjacent to Haven).  They comment that Willow is angry and wants to hurt Sunni but when I go sign in and out she is fine and speaks and is cordial.

Fast forward to Monday.  I go and ask why is Willow at the Psychiatric center and immediately I am invited to join the social worker to go visit her.  I ask how far it is, and they say about two hours away.  I think to myself, this is great! I love road trips! So I agree to go and we leave right after lunch about 12:30pm.  Before we go visit Willow we make a stop at the local Municipality of the town to visit the social worker who is handling her case. Then it’s time to visit Willow. We arrive at about 5pm (notice the total travel time, uh we got lost in the mix) and walk through a series of hallways.  The hospital like most schools here in the Philippines is one story (similar to ranch style houses in America) and the buildings are all connected with a courtyard centrally located.  As we pass through I notice bars within the frames of the doors and windows and I think to myself, wait, is this jail?  The occupants are separated by sex but I notice the rooms overcrowded.  We then reach a nurse station and on the left is a room for newly admitted and there was our Willow along with her companion a house parent of our agency.  Willow came to greet us, said she wanted to come home with us and that she was READY to come home (as to imply that she was now better and would not hurt anyone).  The social worker told her that she could not yet come home until she was seen by the Psychiatrist.  The houseparent was locked in the room with Willow and about 7 other people who had “kasamas” or companions with them.  It is the policy of the agency that the newly admitted have a care taker with them to be responsible for them until they are fully admitted or discharged.  The houseparent said that she had been there since early in the morning and had not eaten anything. She asked where her relief was and we advised her that someone was on the way.  Then she asked me to watch Willow while she got a bite to eat. I said okay but then the guard motioned that I had to go inside with Willow.  I said no its okay I will stay out here, and then he said I had to go inside.  At that moment I was hesitant to go inside but the house parent then pleaded with me to go inside.  The social worker left to get the medications for Willow so I agreed.  As I reluctantly entered the room the security guard exited the room and slammed the door behind me.  I looked around my surroundings to get a better look at this place while inside.  There were 7 bed frames positioned around the perimeter of the room.  There wasn’t a mattress (foam is what it is called here) just cardboard to cover the letter circles on the frame.  All of the windows were closed but not locked and mosquitoes were abundant.  The floors were concrete.  There was a CR located in the back corner of the room.  The door of the bathroom had an opening where one could look in on the patient.  Part of the ceiling was falling apart because of mold and water damage to the building.  The lights were bleak and the ceiling fan did not work.  All of the other occupants were adults including two men. 

Willow was the only teenager there not to mention she did not belong and I was worried for her to be there.  10 minutes into my stay there I sent out this text to my fellow PCVs “OMG! I am locked in a room much like a jail cell in a mental institution with one of my clients.  The houseparent stepped out to eat and the guard insisted that I had to come inside with her.  Its one room with 7 beds no foam, all adults and two men.  Def not a place for a 15 yo.  Bars, bleak lights, cement floors . . . Jail for the mentally ill”.  I had to remain calm and not make too much of a big deal about being there because I knew I was getting out sooner or later but Willow’s time there was indefinite.  Her mood was happy besides wanting to go home.  She was not angry but said that she is crazy and that’s the reason she is there.  To keep her from the door I called her to her bed.  By her bed we did some stretches and exercises.  Then we talked a little.  I told her that she was not crazy; she just did things that worried the houseparent’s.  I asked her what she did to end up there. She said she didn’t know but after I persistently asked her a few more times she said that she told the house parents that she was going to kill herself.  She said that she threatened to kill herself because of being in Haven.  She is upset that she is away from her family (her siblings in particular) the stress with dealing with her case and of course because of Sunni.  She says she wants to kill Sunni but her demeanor says something different. She then says this is our secret and that she likes Sunni.  Go figure all of this drama is coming from the fact that you and Sunni were good friends and you like her?  I tell her that she has to behave and not get in trouble so that she can rejoin the girls at home.  She says she will but I also advise her that she still will spend a few more days there.  In all I spent about 40 minutes in the cell which was not so bad.  The only time that I left the room during those 40 minutes was to use the bathroom. In fact I told Willow that I needed to use the bathroom but she said not to because it was dirty, so we asked the guard to let me out to use the bathroom in the nurse station.  He kept pointing to the CR in the room but I gave him a look that I was not using that bathroom and needed more privacy.  However it is a very scary experience to be locked behind bars and not have a say about your personal freedom, but I guess that is the price to pay when you threaten harm to yourself. 

I believe Willow was testing limits but had no idea that her tantrums would have her sent to a mental institution far away from everything familiar to her.  There she is isolated and is not able to have fun and enjoy the simple things like music, the company of her co-residents and food.  (She complained that she was hungry and there was not any mineral water there).  The houseparents here are older and have been dealing with this for about two weeks now and this is the climax of the situation.  With 20 plus girls to watch after it is easy to see how they have low tolerance for this behavior especially if it is disrupting the rest of the center.  In the past two weeks there seemed to be similar incidents arise at the center because of similar issues; developing intimate relationships with other residents because of similar past histories of surviving abuse of men and dealing with stressors of living in this type of environment. It turns out that she was diagnosed with psychosis and given medicine to treat it.

Round Two- On Wednesday we head back to the Psychiatric Hospital and to the neighboring Municipality.  It has been decided that Willow will not return to the center but be discharged to the local Municipality Social Welfare Development office.  It was decided that her return to the center would be counterproductive to her treatment and healing.  She may feel stigmatized by the other girls and be called crazy which may trigger her aggressive and violent behaviors again.  Not to mention her ultimate goal is returning home, not back to Haven.  Willow’s relatives live in the region closest to the Hospital.  We go see Willow to advise her of this and to tell her that her companion will return with us, thus leaving a 15 year old there by herself at a facility that treats adults . . . . hmmm. First the workers of Haven deliver the bad news then I went over to talk with her.  This time I walked over in more confidence and not afraid of the institution.  This time was different because it was not dark and I was not entering the room.  But the con of this was that the male patients were awake and came to the windows and doors to look at me and yell “hay, what is your name?”  I just ignored it and kept walking.  I walked over and signaled for Willow to come to the door.  She came over smiling.  I told her that I came to say good-bye and that one of her friends wishes her well.  Then her “kasama” exited the room and I said bye.  She just walked off as if upset.  Willow will stay in the hospital by herself for a week and then will be in the custody of the local government. I feel awful that she has to be there now, by herself.  I’m sure that this will not be therapeutic for her healing but I wish her the best.

Never get tired of doing little things for others. Because sometimes those little things occupy the best part of their hearts.