Should I Stay or Would It Be Better for Me to Go . . .Move out.

Before going to my In-Service Training (IST) in April, I contemplated moving out of my host family's house and into my own place. I also talked to my Regional manager and sector manager because of my concern with emotional abuse that I had been enduring (See Beauty is only skin deep.) . While at conference I decided that I would stay with the family until I visit the U.S. in August then move out that way I would come back to a new space.

As soon as I returned to site I told  my host sister my plans to move out.  My Regional manager came to check out some housing with me and she also stopped by my house for a brief moment.  Not long enough to speak with my host mother just long enough for me to grab some belongings and ride with her to view the housing.  She wanted to know why she visited so I told the truth.  She asked me why and when I would move and behaved as if it didn't phase her if I left as long as I gave her remembrance ( a gift when I leave). The next morning she approached me and said "Rina, are you really going to move out" I replied "why" she responded with "because I don't want you to" and stormed off as if her world was ending. I was shocked by that statement and every since then it's been way better. We sit outside and eat our dinner and talk and she practices her English. We've gone to a few basketball games at the Barangay hall and she calls our time together bonding time. I guess that's all she wanted. She still says I'm ugly because I'm dark from time to time but I say it back to her.  The mood is different now and she knows not to take it too far. I guess you can kind of blame our closeness on the heat because if I had  aircon I would be in my room more.

I also had to re-examine my role in this volatile relationship and assess my own actions; what I was doing and that which I was not doing, which either affected her negatively or positively (Traveling a lot, not being home, always being in my room, being anti-social, speaking to her, walking with her to the internet shop, bringing back pasalubong from my trips) . I've been living here for 7 months now and I guess it took 6 months to break it in. Another lesson.

Special moments, please get this girl!

The skin comparison and my reminder to self that I am beautiful.

When other pcvs would had moved out I chose to stay close. Close to my girls and remember someone saying "Laurenia, it's not forever" "keep your chin up"and "hang tough" and I'm glad that I did although it was not easy. I'm still debating moving out but I don't feel as pressured to do so. Besides I go home next year and don't want to spend money on furnishing an apartment that can be spent otherwise ;)

Patience, tolerance, practicality, humility.