Top 10 Memorable thoughts about my 20 day luxury vacation to America!

It's been a while since I have written a post but I vow to continue writing as frequently as I can and when I have something interesting to write about.

So I've been back in the Philippines almost 2 weeks now and am somewhat adjusted to being back and being at site.  I have to say that the first few days back at work were a bit overwhelming for a few reasons; language, food, language and the lack of my comforting items in the U.S.

My plan to ease my way back into life in the Philippines was to go on a beautiful 3 day vacation in Caramoan Islands and be ready for work on Tuesday.  Big mistake! My office had Stress/Anger Management trainings that Monday and Tuesday, an intervention meeting that Wednesday and a Staff meeting that Thursday.  Normally I am fine with all of the meetings but seeing everyone and getting back to the local language was too overwhelming.  So overwhelming that I had to come back to my quiet office for intervals just to get a breather.  One of my co-workers commented "oh, you hate us again" lol.  The difference between my initial arrival and this return was that they spoke more English when I first arrived and this time they expected me to catch up.  I was the one saying nose bleed! ("Nosebleed" is a term that Filipinos use when conversing with non-Filipinos in English; sometimes they do not understand the colloquialisms or diction/pronunciation or just refuse to answer the question asked).

Anyhow I had to shake this feeling.  I had to be honest with myself and admit that I missed home and that vacation was too good to be true.  The price we pay to appease ourselves.  I also had to be real with myself and remember that I had an entire year to finish which will fly by quickly.  I've been at site also preparing for my 5-day HIV/AIDS training, which is part of a grant that I received, which help keep my mind off of other things. 

So without further ado I present my 10 most memorable thoughts about my 20 day luxury vacation to America.

10.  Ambivalence- Although I purchased my ticket to go home in early February, I dealt with times of ambivalence when I thought it would be better to stay in country than to go visit home.  Thoughts like "How different is America now", "will I fit in anymore", "what are the cool new fads?", "how is everyone getting along without me?" flooded my mind in a constant basis.  I kept up with the international news well enough to know the big stories but I didn't know the latest music, what was happening on TV and the most trivial moments of my family and friends lives that we joke about for years to come.  I was going to be faced with reverse culture shock.  Not to mention I had learned how to live here and enjoy my life here.  But I went because I needed to take this trip and had nothing to worry about.

9.  Guilt-  Related to ambivalence was guilt for leaving my country of service for a "timeout" so to speak.  The notion that I can leave here to go back home to comfort and familiarity seemed a bit selfish and privileged.  The people whom I work with on a daily basis only dream about going to America and still can not afford to take vacations to the many places I have visited here in the Philippines.  But still I went because I needed to take this trip and should not feel guilty about it.

A shirt that I purchased from the Legazpi Airport that I kept for myself.  Here is a depiction of Bicol, the chilli (sili), Jeepney with people riding on top, Cagsawa Ruins and Mt. Mayon. 

8. Relief- Ahhh! After the crazy week prior to flying out and making arrangements, and carrying my luggage on the Jeepney, paying an extremely high taxi price, (900 pesos from NAIA just to go back there in less than 12 hours for 150!!!) I finally made it to the United States of America and it was grand! I was glad to be home and appreciated my home, culture even more.  Most of my anxiety subsided and all was well.  I hadn't missed much that I was not updated on. Everyone seems to be doing great and just moving along in life.  Of course everyone has their struggles and challenges but they are relative to their own trajectory. 

7. Ease of transition-  I expected that I would have a difficult time adjusting to life back in America but it came easily with the exception of my ability to eat fast foods without having an upset stomach.  I think part of the reason that it is so easy to get back into my old routine is because of the vacation and trainings that I attend where we have access to the same things that are common in America.  I drove my sister's car on the second week being in America.  I was kind of intimidated to drive while I was in Florida, I don't know why. The only thing that didn't seem to catch up with me as quickly was my wardrobe.  I thought my clothes were nice, but my friends and family gave me side gazes at all of the linen tops and flip flops that I wore. 

6. Black people- My black people! Wow, it had definitely been a while besides the expats and few faces that I have seen over the past year.  I fit in and identify with these people.  I am now around the people who make me feel human, as a pcv friend of mine put it.  It was amazing to be back around the soul foods, the culture, music etc.  All of the idiosyncrasies that make us who we are were gratifying to see.  Images and ideas that I had only seen in movies and magazines over the past year were now brilliantly illuminated and full of life.  It was not overwhelming as I imagined it to be.

5. Wisdom from Elders- This was probably my number reason for visiting the U.S. to visit the elder women in my family and my mentors.  They reminded me to be grateful for the experience and take care of myself.  Life isn't promised and sometimes we struggle with things because we don't know why we are put in certain situations but we can only make the best of these situations.  I love my elders and would not be the person I am today without them.  Thank you all!

4. I see my future- Going home and putting into action my plan and discussing it with others validated my choice to return to grad school upon close of service.  I've started looking at programs and could possibly relocate when I return home.  Stay tuned for the details. :)  I've also pondered the idea of doing a Peace Corps Response position prior to starting grad school.  That would be awesome but we shall see.

3. Things have to change- When I boarded the plane to return home I thought I had grown and changed in many ways, however some people still saw me as the person I left which caused some slight conflict at times.  Hopefully over this next year those people can see what they may have overlooked while I was in America.  I know for sure they will see the difference when I return for good next year.

2.  Cherish family- This is nothing new but a constant reminder of what is important in life.  Family.  Close friends are important too but family will be here to support you no matter what! My family has been really supportive of my Peace corps service and I am thankful for them!

My mother and I.

My baby cousins who are the ages of my clients! EEK, it freaks me out to think of that.

My siblings and I during the year 2001.

1. Moderation is key- My last thought from this trip is that no matter what you do, consume and love, remember that moderation is key! I learned that in the U.S. when I returned.  Just because something is available does not mean that I need to use it or take it.  I can always leave it for another time. What helps us keep this in mind is our appreciation for things.  When we appreciate something we tend to be more careful and protective of it, thus moderating its use or exposure.

My bags once again packed as I left Virginia heading to New York and then onward to Manila.

That's all for now, thanks for reading and Happy Labor day America!